Effective communication with teenagers can seem challenging for parents. But the topic of dating can give you an opportunity, Dad, to interact with your son in an area where he may have a lot of questions and where he may be open to listening to your observations and experiences. This can be a time and a topic around which you and your son can strengthen your relationship. Read below for a few suggestions on helping your son prepare for dating.
Respect and support your son’s mom. Your son is constantly observing how you model behavior with members of the opposite sex. Respecting, supporting, and loving his mom will help him understand from an early age how to act in the best interests of another person—especially the best interests of a woman with whom you have an important relationship.
Help your son understand what love is. True love is not an emotion which makes the heart race or the stomach churn. True love is genuine concern for the other person—a sincere desire to learn their feelings and thoughts and to care about their well-being. When your son wants to go out with someone, discuss his motivation with him. This can be an opportunity to help him understand the importance of focusing on the value and well-being of the young woman.
Help your son keep relationships at the friendship level. The young woman who is currently the object of your son’s interest will probably not be the person he marries. The relationship may develop into something more serious in the future, but as a teenager, he’s not usually prepared to handle the full responsibilities of a serious “true love” relationship. And, if the friendship does lead to a serious romantic relationship, having been good friends can be excellent preparation for that more serious stage in the process.
Encourage group dating. Having other peers around may help your son develop social skills more easily and may help him more easily avoid the temptation to engage in risky behavior.
Encourage your son to meet and know the young woman’s parents. This will help your son learn more about how to positively interact with adults. It will also help him know the young woman more fully and be able to better understand her family situation and the ways it has impacted her life.
Make sure your son understands boundaries regarding his behavior. This is a time to continue to discuss with your son, as you have in the past, the topics of sex, drugs, alcohol, and appropriate behavior in every area of life. Your son should know that if a young woman he dates tries to get him to do something that makes him feel uncomfortable, it is a sign that she is not interested in his well-being, and the relationship should come to an end.
Share your personal dating experiences with your son. Your son wants to know “how you did it” and “what you learned.” This is an excellent way to be “open” with your son, to help him know you better, and to strengthen the father/son relationship.
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